The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
