Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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