3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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