I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
and you fell through a lawn chair
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
