I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
