Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
