so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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