Your mouth is God's brothel.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
