I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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