So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
my shit smells like andre
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
