Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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