FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
