He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
