haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
