Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Randomize
