My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
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