Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
