This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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