Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
