Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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