I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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