Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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