we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
