I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
