Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
