My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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