I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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