Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
