come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
