toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
