I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
