At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
