The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
