You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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