All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
