I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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