Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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