Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
