I will die if light touches me.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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