We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Is it penis luge time yet?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
