Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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