So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
