i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
