"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
