let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
