I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
