hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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