Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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