My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
