My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
