What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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