I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
