i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
honey bunches of taint.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
